The first day of the rest of my life

New years day 2011 will forever be in my mind and my life be the day that I started taking testosterone and therefore the first day of the rest of my life. What an awesome way to ring in a new year. As a friend said, 2011 is going to be the year of Jackson. I am starting testosterone which is the first real major step in becoming who I want to be and surgery is two months from today. Although I have been waiting for this day for a long time, this morning I wasn't super excited to get the shot. I woke up, we had breakfast and did some things around the house. In the meantime I saw my partner pull the needle out and get it ready and I got a little weak in the knees. I hate needles and the first stick is always the hardest for me. The needles that my pharmacy gave me are 1 inch, 23 gauge needles. That means that it takes a little longer for the testosterone to get out of the needle since it is basically an oil and so it is thick. At first I will be taking 1ml every two weeks and if and when I feel I need to or want to go to every week I can and will take .5 ml every week. We will see what happens. So I was rather anxious, and the more I got anxious the more the baby did and so we tried a couple times and just as it was about to happen the baby would get super fussy and we had to get her or something happened. So finally at 1130 I dropped my pants, bent over the bed got my first  shot of "T". It was not nearly as bad as I had anticipated. It stung a little going in, but by and far the initial piercing of the skin was the worst. It also didn't take nearly as long as I had thought it would. So far today nothing feels any different, other than moments of euphoria where I realize that I had my first shot and I get really excited and happy. Otherwise today has been a normal day. I didn't expect it to be any different really at this point. 


Although it will take a while for any noticeable changes physically it already is doing something for my mental health. Friday I was in the store with my partner and baby and I was walking a few feet in front of them. A guy walked by and gave me what my partner calls "the man nod" and kept walking. Since I was the only one there, and he kind of looked at me when he did it there was no doubt it was directed at me. I was thrilled! I have been waiting for that day for a long freaking time, to be out with my family and pass if even just for a moment. It felt so awesome and gave me renewed confidence. It also showed me that I think my body language plays a large part in passing or not passing because I was not binding and not even dressed in a way so as to pass I was just being comfortable. I had changed my body language though, or have become much more aware of it. Anyway though I have so much more to write about but it is now late at night and I am tired so another post will be written soon.