The unexpected things in life

I am so exhausted but I feel the need to write. Last night we had some friends over for what was loosely called a "T" party but really just a reason to have people over. Without a reason we struggle to get it done, although we talk about it frequently. So I was surprised when the majority of people who showed up were either couples or couples with children. This was surprising to me because when we were a lesbian couple who were looking for other gay/lesbian couples with children it seemed darn near impossible to find them. Even though there are more and more who are having children for some reason we just were unable to succeed other than one fabulous couple we know who adopted their beautiful daughter just a week after our daughter was born. So we have hung out a few times with them, and wish we saw them more but life is hectic. So anyway now that I am transitioning though it seems that without even trying we have found them. I seem to have many guys in my life now who like me are transgender, and like me are new dads. Most, if not all transitioned with their current wife/partner and I believe most if not all already had their children as well. The rest of the guys I have met, if not parents already are defiantly on that path with that intention so it is really an interesting turn of events. So needless to say the "party" was nothing like what I had expected. I did learn a few good life lessons from it. First, if you are having a party and most of the friends who come have young children the party will end earlier than anticipated as much because the parents are exhausted as that the kids need to go to bed. Secondly, all you will likely be able to do is mingle and talk. No games are going to happen, or if they are happening they will be children's games. More likely you will spend time supervising coloring activities, making sure children don't lock themselves in closets or what not. Thirdly, and what I discovered almost immediately is that being a new dad meant that while in the past I would have sat around and been able to give my undivided attention to my friends this was not the case last night. Last night, although I did get to talk to my friends there were friends I didn't really get to talk to and I was not able to give the same kind of attention that I had in the past. I was glad to have friends with children at that time, because they could all understand and be sympathetic. So needless to say, it has really been a wonderful and surprising aspect of my transition that I would not have imagined would happen.

Today my partner went to an all day spiritual event and I was home with the child. It was a long day although in some ways the bigger she gets the easier it gets. We really didn't do too much but we did go out to dinner just the baby and I. I was surprised to see that I was presenting as male because it is a rare thing for me to be out in the world with the baby and present. Everyone was very nice to me, and I loved being in the world having daddy/daughter time. I love that I get the chance to be different than the stereotypical male in our culture who is detached from raising their children. I am excited that I get to be a different kind of guy than the typical asshole that the media portrays men as. Now, I know there are plenty of fabulous men in the world. I can immediately think of some men I know who are amazing husbands and fathers and who I want to take after. I suppose I am just saying that I am excited to join their ranks and continue to make the world a better place. Especially since so there is such a need in the world for positive male role models. Of course the same can be said for positive female role models but I think that the deficit is defiantly heavier on the male side. So it was a really great experience, and one that I loved. I am really excited for more like it in the future.

I am getting my more comfortable with myself lately. I have gotten to this place of acceptance maybe, I am not sure really what the spot is but regardless it is a spot that cares less whether I present all the time or not. I have come just recently to not care nearly as much if someone uses a female pronoun with me in public when I am wanting to present as male. Of course I wish they wouldn't, however it doesn't bother me or shake my confidence in the same way as it did before. I am comfortable enough being who I am that if someone thinks of me as a butch woman it doesn't matter because I know who I am. I know that I am dad, and boyfriend etc. I don't really know why or when that shift occurred other than it did and it is a wonderful feeling.