To correct or not correct?

Do I correct people who call me "Ma'am" or "Miss" or or any other form of female pronoun? Or do I leave it alone? That is a question I continue to grapple with and depending upon which friend I talk to is a topic that gets many answers. It is a topic that I just don't have an answer for. In some ways it is situational as to wether or not I correct someone. For instance, I had two situations in the last couple weeks where my partner and I went out to dinner and both times the waitress addressed us as "ladies". The first time though it only happened once, and the waitress was really nice so at the end of the night I asked her why she had addressed me like that. I wanted feedback as to why she was able to look at me and see that, since I had been presenting rather well that day. She looked at me, and said "oh did I do that, I am so sorry I can't think why I would have because looking at you now I don't see a woman" and then we went on to have a rather long, pleasant conversation about being transgender and hormones etc. She proceeded to encourage me that the testosterone would kick in soon and my voice would drop and that would help a lot. Anyway it was a very surprising and pleasant experience. I had a similar experience at a store that we had gone to and the lady walking around on the floor said something to similar affect to us and then quickly corrected herself and then stumbled and I could tell was uncomfortable so I just told her "no you had it right the first time" and then we proceeded to have a very long, pleasant conversation about being transgender and gender identity and how gender should be more fluid than our society allows. The three of us stood there and talked for at least 5 minutes.

Then there is the situation which is almost polar opposite. My partner and I go out to dinner last weekend, and as we sit there the waitress who I can tell from watching her is a little on the airhead side of life walks up to us and in a  rather loud voice says "Ladies how can I help you this evening" and I mean loud enough half the restaurant or more could hear here. My partner just got us some water as I didn't respond and when she left my partner looks and me and just says "really?" and we talk about how or if I should or even could correct a person like this. We decided against it in part because she already seemed oblivious and we/I felt that correcting her may cause a scene and really all I wanted was to have dinner with my partner. Also I wasn't entirely comfortable with the other patrons, and the fact that the second time she came and said it a couple actually looked at us. So I choose not to say anything, however spent the next hour very uncomfortable every time she came over to us which seemed like it was ALL the time. How many times can a waitress ask us how we are doing...literally like every 5 minutes. For god sake let us eat. Anyway so I was more than happy to get the hell out of there.

So I talked to a couple guy friends about it last night and just asked how they would have handled situation number 2. I got varied answers, but what I did get that as encouraging was their unanimous agreement that they did not understand how anyone would walk up to me and say anything using a female pronoun to me. One of them said that they would have said something like "I am a dude" or "I am a man" or something to that effect. And since some guys do have higher voices, and my voice is rather androgynous especially when I am irritated I could have gotten away with it and she probably would have just felt really embarrassed which honestly at that moment in time I wouldn't have minded. Someone said I could have said something quietly and more nicely, and one guy just said that is what he loved because with his name being a male name when he goes to pay and they have been calling him a female pronoun all night they always feel really uncomfortable and that is kinda like his justice. So I have many choices.

I did get insight though, that if they think even the slightest bit that I might be a woman they are going to call me that because for some reason it is more acceptable to call me "ma'am" or whatever other female pronoun they want rather than a male pronoun and have me be a woman. I don't really get that at all however I understand the logic in a way. Then they said being out with my partner, or any other woman could heighten that because we probably look like a lesbian couple. So the journey continues, I continue to be frustrated but I am learning and growing and starting to deal with it situationally rather that just ignoring it all together. I am looking forward to the day though that I don't have to correct people.