Grumpy

This morning started out like mornings do, with a little daddy/daughter cuddle time which just always makes my day. Everything was going okay although I have been feeling a little edgy. I was a little grumpy that I felt I had to put my binder on to take the baby to daycare cause I knew I was going to come home and take it off to work and chill around the house getting stuff done. I hate that I feel like I have to wear it all the time even for the smallest things that take place outside the house. 


So I was walking the dog, wearing the binder because I just didn't feel like dealing with taking it off and I walk her all the time with it on so I didn't think anything of it. Well this morning it was hurting my back big time, the dog was driving me insane and not walking good on a leash like she normal does. So we didn't walk a long way because I had this overwhelming need to get home and get it off. It was weird, almost like this panicky feeling but I have not really ever gotten that before regarding this situation. So I got home and both the dog and cat followed me into the bathroom and I lost it. I got so angry because I just wanted to do my own thing for two minutes and not have them wanting my attention. That was the moment I realized that something else must be going on here for me to react so strongly to them. I mean sure, anyone who has a pet can understand that they can be annoying as hell at times but my reaction was still out of proportion to the situation. Then it hit me, that I am getting my 3rd shot on Saturday and I have heard from other guys who took it every two weeks rather than every week that around day 10 or 11 that there can be a hormone level drop and it can cause a person to be all kinds of messed up. Really the last 24 hours have been very difficult for me to deal with. I am so edgy and irritable. I am more uncomfortable in my body than I have been in a long time. At the same time that I feel lethargic and like I don't want to do anything I also feel like I have all this nervous energy. Maybe it is not related to the hormones, maybe it is I don't know for sure. All I really do know is that I am not in a good mood. I am kind of in a "fuck the world" mood. 


I am going to my chiropractor because my back is all kinds of messed up. I am going without my binder on, of course. And I have not mentioned to him that I am transitioning. The mood I am in today I don't feel like I can deal with it so I am probably not going to mention it. It is one of those days that I really just want to crawl back into bed but I have things that I have to get done. Whatever is going on I am feeling more unstable (if that is the right word) than I have in a really long time and I don't like it.