26 days from now I will be in San Francisco having my top surgery, otherwise known as a Bilateral Mastectomy. Although I have not always known about this surgery or that I could have it done it is something I have wanted since the day I first got my breasts nearly 15 or 16 years ago. Today I got a letter from my therapist saying that this was necessary for my transition, I filled out my consent form, wrote the check for the remaining balance (while trying to breathe when I wrote that large a number) and put it all in an envelope to be mailed tomorrow. If I think about the fact that I just took out more debt I kind of want to hyperventilate because it is a rather large amount of money. Then again it is just money right? This is for the rest of my life. So if I can move past the fear of the debt, and all the other emotions that come up I get very excited. Of course I have some fear, some grief, some uncertainty (not about the surgery) along with various other emotions. Then I have sheer excitement over having a flat chest, a male chest and I can hardly believe that day is almost here. Between now and then there is a lot of things going on in my life to make it extremely busy and stressful so I suspect that after putting the envelope in the mail tomorrow I will go back to focusing on my life and not really think too much about it while I get things in order before we go.
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