On each of the twenty pieces of paper that people had were the names of over 180 transgender people who were murdered around the world last year. That is up from around 130 last year, and still barely a fraction we are sure of all those killed each year. The time started off with one person after another reading these papers. Each paper had the name, age, city and country of the person as well as any other information but always including how they were murdered. Sadly, rarely was it as nice as a gunshot to the head. It was often that they were raped with something, beaten to death with something, dismembered, stabbed multiple times, burned alive, tortured etc. It was incredibly sad to listen to, and many were young people. Overwhelmingly they were also women, or male to female transgender people who lived in Central and South America. There were some from other parts of the world, however it is just not as reported in those other places. For instance in China, there was 1 person reported however that country has over 1 Billion people so there is a good chance that number is actually higher. There was a couple here in the United States, which just goes to show that anyone is capable of that level of hatred.
It was really intense for me to listen to, on many levels. Three years ago, before I even was aware that I was not just a heterosexual woman I was a combat veteran. I was seen in the eyes of the military and society as someone to look up to and respect. Not that I asked that of anyone, I happen to be very shy about that aspect of my life. However it was true, people would buy me lunch, strangers would shake my hand and say thank you. I was asked to share at Veterans Day Assemblies and classrooms etc.
Now here I am, three years later and I am a part of a minority that lives in fear much of the time around the world. A minority on the edge of society, that much of society does not recognize, respect, treat equal or even think deserves equality. People kill transgender people, discriminate against us, call us names, treat us badly for no reason etc. I have experienced some of this myself, although thankfully only in limited amounts at least at this point in my life. It is just such a difference now. Instead of getting looks of respect when I walk into Safeway in my uniform, now I walk in and I get looks of disgust from the hick boys who are standing there or who I have to walk past to get into the store, or anyone else who has a negative opinion of me. I present as a very masculine woman most of the time and that often does not go over well in public.
Such an extreme shift in social standing has been difficult, I won't lie. Such an extreme shift in who I am, how I live my life, what I do or don't do or even could do before and can't do now is very difficult for me. Last night just reminded me that although we live in a great country if you happen to be Transgender, that it is still very far from perfect.
I tossed and turned last night thinking of those people killed, and thinking of my little girl. How I wish that she didn't have a parent who was Transgender and how that could potentially make her life more challenging. However I thought about the fact that we are going to do our best to raise her in a way that she understands and knows that everyone is equal and to be loved no matter what. That doesn't just stop at the gay or trans community. That she would know that there is nothing that makes one person better than another, and that ever human being on this planet should be treated equal. And how I hope to god she never has to experience hate because of my Gender Identity, or that I have to experience it in a way that would hurt her. I thought about all those people killed, and their families that they left behind. I thought about it and how I pray to god that I get to watch her grow up and if for some reason I don't that I pray and hope it is not because someone choose to hate me enough to kill me. I know that may be morbid and depressing but it is true. It is what I think about sometimes now. I don't dwell on it, but if I didn't admit I think about it I would be lying because I suspect it is something most transgender people do think about at some point.
I never had to worry about those things three years ago. I never had to worry about getting beat up or killed or not being hired because someone hates me. It makes me sad, I will admit it makes me cry even to think about. So I feel that I can do my small part to make the world a better place by talking about being transgender, blogging about it etc. Hatred comes from ignorance, and so if I can help even one person be more tolerant and loving than it is all worth it.
It is very scary being open about this. It freaks me out many days, and yet I don't feel like I can not talk about it. Even though many days I wish that I could transition and pretend it wasn't who I am or part of my life that isn't fair and isn't right. I hope that the take home message from this is that we are just people too. We have jobs, families, pets, houses, mortgages etc. We are doctors, lawyers, Police and Firefighters as well as Teachers, Bankers and all other kinds of people. We are just people, who want the freedom to live at peace with ourselves and society, to be accepted for who we choose to live and not hated for who we aren't.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment