Recovering one day at a time

I finally slept through the night last night, first time in days that I wasn't awake every hour. It was glorious! I am still very tired today, and sore as hell. I got up to get coffee, wash my face and give myself a small sponge bath (just enough to feel semi human again) and it wiped me out! The soreness or areas that hurt are moving. They are much higher up now, closer to my arm pit. I am also having some mild discomfort in my actual chest area. The drain tubes don't help with my discomfort, and thankfully the drainage has stopped for the most part. That makes me hopeful that they can come out tomorrow. I did have a dream last night that the binder was hurting so I started to take it off. Thankfully I woke up before I actually did do something like that.

I am getting rather tired of laying in bed, although I just don't feel up for much of anything at this point. I am hoping by this weekend if the drains come out that I might feel better about maybe just stepping outside. Fresh air would be nice at least. This is the time where I wouldn't say I am regretting my decision, because I am not. It is more that I am really unhappy because I hate recovery times like this. It is miserable to feel so helpless.

So I was thinking on Monday that now that I have the surgery my military days are for sure done. They won't take me back, it is over. I have not processed that reality and probably won't for a while. It makes me sad that it came to this, but it was the right thing and I do know that.

I had gotten an Rx for pain and because I am a recovery program I asked them to only give me a partial prescription because I didn't want them around the house. Well they gave me a partial one alright, I asked for 10 and I got 7 or 8 instead. I have been keeping meticulous track of all the medicine, how much and when. So when I realized that I only had two left and did the math there is no way that they gave me 10. My partner agreed that they didn't. However they won't let me go back and get the rest of the prescription filled and because it is a controlled substance the doctor can't call it in. So that leaves me the option of driving back to see if he will give me a new paper one. Which I can't deal with. So I am laying in bed on extra strength tylenol and aleve which barely helps. Thankfully my pain still has not got above a 5 on the 1-10 scale so i am going to take it really easy and ride it out hopefully. I have also been itching like crazy under my binder so I am taking some benadryl which seems to help a little.

Over all the recovery is unpleasant but to be expected. Nothing out of the ordinary so far. And it is hard to think of much other than how I am feeling right now but I am sure in a week I will be able to look beyond and feel better about it. Right now though it is hard to focus on much more than how I feel at this very moment.