It has been a few days since I last wrote. A lot has been happening, but most of it I can't or won't be writing about. However, I had my last post op appointment on Monday which mean that on Tuesday I could take my first shower in a week! Oh how glorious that morning was. I was honestly a little worried how it was going to go. First of all I had not really gotten a great look at my chest, and I was a little worried how I was going to feel once I had the chance to stand in front of a mirror and look for as long as I wanted. Was I going to be really picky? Was I going to be unhappy with what I saw? Was I going to have "buyers remorse" so to speak? So many questions about how I was going to feel or not feel. Well I can say that when I took the binder off and stood there and looked none of the above happened. I didn't feel the least b It felt surreal for sure, and I was shocked that what I was looking at was my own body. Mostly just because I had waited for that day for so long and the fact it was really there was just something I was getting used to. Of course there was swelling and stitches etc so it doesn't look fabulous at this moment in time but it looks great enough to me!

I have a fair amount of mobility back. I was able to drive home from SF with a buddy, even though I did most of the driving. I was some what sore the next day but nothing too bad. I can pick up my daughter, with some difficulty depending upon what she is doing. The doctor said I could pick her up though, I am not doing anything he didn't say I could do. I am trying to listen to my body too though and some days like yesterday are just tough so I didn't do much. I am really trying to take it day to day.

Yesterday I went and got a hair cut and since I am still wearing a binder until Monday and didn't want hair on it I took it off before I went. It was the first time I wore a t-shirt on without a binder and since surgery. It felt so weird, on many levels. For one I felt naked, but it was also a good feeling...one I have been wanting for a long time. My chest still is healing and numb in a lot of ways. I have feeling but a lot of it feels almost like it is asleep or swollen so the feeling isn't exactly normal. So a t-shirt on my chest felt weird for that reason as well. It was an exciting moment for me though. I am finding that I can get a shirt over my head but getting it back off can be tricky if I am not careful. I am so thrilled though with how I feel and look that all the pain and discomfort is worth it. Today I am having moments of discomfort and for the most part nothing too bad. I take some over the counter pain medication as needed but nothing very often. I have found getting out of bed actually to be one of the more difficult things and one of the things that causes the most discomfort.

I need to get my gender marker changed. On the way home I got pulled over for speeding and got a ticket. When the police officer walked up to the window he said "hey bud" to me and then took my info and was gone a long time. Of course I was sitting there with my friend talking and we both wondered if I was going to get a ticket and whether or not me being trans was going to have anything to do with it. I know that might sound kind of crazy but as I was saying it to my friend he totally agreed that he too had those thoughts. If my gender marker were changed I wouldn't have even thought it because he would never have known. So I am working on that, but it is a few weeks away.

Overall I am feeling extremely confident. My voice continues to drop and my facial hair is doing just fine growing in. Actually fast enough to be kind of annoying, as I am finding myself shaving a little more frequently than I might like. Oh well it isn't terrible. It really is only because I don't like a lot of scruff I am finding which I am surprised to find that is how I feel about it.