Job!

So I had a 2^nd job interview today. Well, it was not really an interview so much as the guy telling me about what he is looking for in an employee and some issues he has had recently and how he didn’t think that I would have those as I was in the military. He talked for about ten minutes before he let me say a word, and then I asked some questions. I didn’t get the starting pay I wanted but at the end of the day it is really not bad. I did a lot of thinking over the weekend because I had the feeling they would offer it to me. And after a lot of contemplation about the situation decided that I would take the lower pay if offered. First of all, the experience is going to be good on my resume. Secondly, I have only been looking for a job for 2 weeks and there are a lot of people who have been looking for months and months and can’t get a minimum wage job…and this is not minimum wage. So many people would be glad to have this job, and so while it is less than what I could potentially get working someplace else I can’t complain either. I just realized I am really blessed that after just 2 weeks that I was able to land a job that while has low enough wages that I will have to stay in school is still not a bad gig to start out doing fresh from the military. And I had to take into account that part of the reason it “doesn’t pay enough” is because of my heavy debt that I have. So after contemplating all that I decided I would be foolish to pass it up, and I will most likely continue to look for something that does make more. Also, as burnt out as I am with school I am so close to done that I decided if at all possible I should try to press on and continue. So at least thru the summer my plan is to go to school full time and work full time, which I have done in the past so I know I can do again even though it may not be the most fun ever.

I have recently started to make myself take weekends off though. Or at least one full day off, which means my weeks are far more intense and stressful but so worth it. Especially as the weather gets nicer I want the time to spend with my daughter going to the farmers market or hiking or whatever else it is without thinking about all I have to do. I am really loving her age right now and being a dad. It is so great, so much fun and so much work. So totally worth all the hard work and exhaustion, and by far the coolest thing I have ever done.

I do miss the military, every day I think about it and feel as though it were just yesterday that I was there last even though it was months ago. It gets a little easier each day, but not a day goes by that I don’t think about it and miss it and have part of me wish I were still in. Not that I wish I were a woman, because god I don’t at all. In fact I was looking at the pictures that I took right before my surgery of my breasts and I couldn’t even believe that I had looked like that. No wonder I was not happy, that wasn’t who I was meant to be. It was almost hard to look at even and I had to consciously tell myself that it was me that I was looking at. I wish I could have been born in the right body, and that I could have been in the military as a guy. That is why I think this job will be good, because it is in the aviation field still but will allow me to move on more than I have been able to. I really think that had I felt as though I had a choice about whether to leave the military or not that it would be so much easier.

Overall life is good, busy though and about to get so much busier. As far as my transition is concerned the vast majority of what I am going through now is emotional day-to-day things. For instance dealing with things for the first time as a guy or dealing with when to come out or not to come out since at this point no one ever questions me. I will add that I am not really enjoying the facial hair, it itches and unlike when I was a woman and could get away with not shaving my legs for any amount of time, with my face I have to every couple of days or every day if I have something important to go to. I am actually growing enough facial hair at this point that within 24-36 hours from shaving I have a decent amount of stubble. Which is exciting and annoying too. I could not grow a full beard or mustache if I wanted to (which I don’t) but it is enough to look like I have day old stubble. My legs are getting really hairy, even up on my thighs where there was only small amounts of blond hair before. My mom told me the other day that my brother has a lot of dark leg hair like I do and I do have a lot of it. I am also very happy with my voice, I have no idea how long it continues to drop but I am happy with it now. I can even physically feel the change in my throat, which feels weird.

And so the journey continues, and in some ways starts for me now moving out to the world as my true self.