Interview

I have been some what actively looking for a job for just a couple weeks now, maybe less. I got an interview with a company up at the airport that I can't say I was super thrilled about but seemed like a decent stepping stone in the civilian world. I could really use more civilian experience on my resume so I went up for the interview today, even though we already talked money and they want to pay me less than what I really want but not horrible. So anyway I show up in khaki's and a nice blue button up shirt. I get there and am checking my teeth in my car mirror and notice that when I was shaving this morning, with my little girl pulling on my legs in the bathroom and the mirror slightly fogged up that I missed a little spot under my chin. So of course I was worried but there was nothing I could do about it. I thought it was totally noticeable because I noticed it almost immediately. My interview got pushed back an hour from 11 to 10 so I was rushing out of the house and in the process missed this. So I walk in and immediately realized I was probably over dressed. It was very blue collar, which there is nothing at all wrong with that. I come from a very blue collar family and I am much more comfortable in that situation most of the time, just not at that moment and not as a guy.  So I walk in and there is a bunch of guys sitting in this one room cramped office, the dude in the back has long hair, bad tattoo's everywhere and a cowboy hat. He also looks about 6'2"....so I ask where the bathroom is cause I really need to use it and need to breathe for a minute. Get down there and walk in and there is this dude who reminds me of Dan Connor from the show Roseanne...huge dude, looks like he has worked there forever. Needless to say he was very intimidating. So I take care of business and when I go back up to the office there they tell me to take a seat, in the only seat available which is next to cowboy hat guy. I am not sure if he was intentionally trying to intimidate me or not but he did. He had this look to him that was anything but friendly and he made sure to give it to me a couple of times. Needless to say thank god I was only sitting there for about 3 minutes. So I go into the interview and the guy is nice enough, and it went pretty good. Walk back out though and there are these two huge pacific islander looking dudes. They looked at me like the wanted to snap me in half, which they could have if they wanted to. I am between 5'7" and 5'8"  but I felt like a midget....not to mention besides "Dan Connor" and "Cowboy hat guy" I was the only white guy, and a little white guy at that. I have nothing against people who aren't white, it was just one more way I felt out of place. Needless to say I left there feeling incredibly small and intimidating. Thankfully the guy who interviewed me was a very nice young hispanic guy and I felt very comfortable with him. Still a rough around the edges guy but I can deal with that. So I got my 2nd interview on Monday and I am a little unsure if I should dress the same or maybe even a little more casual? The other guy who was there for an interview was in jeans and a button up shirt, and not even that nice. I stood out like a sore thumb today, THANK GOD I didn't wear a tie. So that was my first post military civilian job interview and job interview as Jackson. So stressful, in about a million different ways.

I am so burnt out from school and I had hoped that I would be able to get a job and take the summer off from school, but if I take this job which pays a little less than I need I would have to stay in school so I would have enough to live on while I finish paying off some of this debt. Once this one specific thing gets paid off it is going to help me so much and then I would be able to work for a wage like this and be okay. And what this specific job is offering really is not a bad deal, I just owe a lot mostly in "elective" medical bills or school. Also, when I look at home much school I have left it is hard to take a break even though I am completely burnt out. Because I just want to be done and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. The question is whether I can push through enough to get to the end of the tunnel without taking a break? I am not sure, because I have now been in school continuously for over 18 months without anything more than a couple day break here or there. So I don't know about all that.

I am pretty sure a gay boy hit on me the other day at the mall. I was shocked and wasn't sure at first that was what happened but then as it kept happening it became more clear so I am 99% sure that is what happened. Which I suppose is very flattering, although I am so totally not interested. That is just something that is bound to happen though because I have feminine qualities, and in fact that may be what the dudes today were thinking when they saw me dressed like that, that I was a gay guy. So that is not the first time I have been hit on by a gay boy, but it defiantly caught me off guard because I was just running in while my car was getting a tune up so I was in ragged jeans and a white t-shirt and had not shaved, hardly my "best" but more my morning after school I am exhausted and have not had coffee look.

I have started to work out, although not as much as I have wanted. It does feel good to do some working out though which I figure is better than nothing. I need to get into some kind of regimented routine which is hard right now. Maybe that will be my weekend goal, to get some kind of plan down because I do so much better with plans. I have decided that I have to take the weekends off, or at least one day that I don't do anything school related which is hard for me but necessary for my sanity. Especially with the weather getting so much nicer I want some time to enjoy the PNW but that means my weeks as in monday thru friday are much busier because I am not doing homework or anything on the weekends. Which might explain why I am so exhausted this week.

I am sitting in Starbucks and an ex-boyfriend just walked in...we made eye contact and it was very uncomfortable. I am ready for this weekend.