When I really do know

Monday night in class something that I thought was somewhat funny happened. Somehow we were just talking about something and our teacher (who is an awesome woman and I have really enjoyed her class) made reference to being pregnant and how hard that can be. Some of us kind of shook our heads, those of us with kids (there is only one other woman besides her in the class). I am the youngest one there, and have the youngest kid. So she says "Jackson understands, well not that he has ever been pregnant but he has a young child" and of course everyone chuckled, myself included. No one there knows I am transgender, except maybe a guy in my group for a group project, who I am sure is Gay although he has never told me. So I think he might suspect, I am not sure. Anyway I am sitting there thinking to myself "you actually don't know that I have not been" because in theory I totally could have had a child at some point. I do think that she knows that I am transgender, I can't explain why I think that I just do. I have noticed that when subjects like gay rights in the work place, same sex marriage etc have come up (it is an ethics class) that she often looks my way and makes eye contact. It appears she is watching my reaction but maybe not? It is really hard to tell and since clearly I have not just asked or said something I don't know. I do know she is rather liberal leaning and it appears a gay rights supporter but again those are all just things she has alluded to. So point being it was funny but a little awkward too cause I was sitting there thinking to myself "if you all only knew". It was like a little secret that I have, but it doesn't necessarily feel bad. I am finding myself having more and more of those moments as I am more involved in the world where people don't know that I was ever anything else than what I am today.  It is just a weird feeling and I often find myself stopping myself from commenting that in reality I do understand PMS, cramps, shaving your legs, make up etc. Thankfully if I have ever started down that road I am able to back track or turn it to being that I understand cause of my partner. It's not even that I am trying to be closeted but that I don't feel like going into it often. It sometimes feels like I am living in this 3rd world. I have been a woman and now am a man so have had experiences as both. It is just a fascinating experience.