Well as usual I started this a while back, however given the topic I decided to go ahead and post it anyway even though it is now January 8, 2012.
Well, here we are at the start of a new year. 2012 came before I even knew what happened to 2011. This year has been monumental for me in many ways, and so this evening I took a look back at a few blogs from late in 2010, including the one I wrote on Jan. 1st of 2011. It is hard to believe that I was ever in that spot, that I was ever NOT on “T” or testosterone. That I ever had breasts, had a higher voice or lacked facial hair. So many things are different one year later that I barely even recognized the person who wrote those blogs, although I know that I wrote them. That just shows me how far things have come in the last 12 months for me. So I though that I would do a recap of the major life events of the past year, although I may miss something given that I am not actually going to go back through each blog.
January 1st 2011 was the first day of the rest of my life, in other words my very first “T” shot ever. What a great way to ring in the New Year. At this point my status in the military was unclear to me, I had been thinking I was going to get an early discharge and then told some paperwork things happened. It was an extremely scary point in my life but I also felt that I had to move forward with my transition. So I did, unsure of the future or consequences of that decision. Everything worked out and by March I was out of the military officially for good although with a heavy heart. A year later I am still not a fan of getting my bi-weekly shots and I still ask my wife to give them to me, in the butt where I cannot see them. I could give them to myself if I had to do it however since she is happy to take care of still I am happy to let her do it for me.
March 1st 2011 I was very blessed to be able to travel down to California and have “top” surgery with Dr. Brownstein. I know many who desire and really need the surgery and for various reasons are unable to attain it therefore generally very few days go by that I am not grateful that I was able to get it done so quickly. It was a long trip, a painful procedure and healing process but one I had been wishing for since I first got my breasts years before. It was so surreal that looking back it is hard to even think that I ever even had any. Tonight I looked at my chest, and although I have scars and it is less than the perfect chest it is what I have and I am so grateful. Every month when I pay my bill from what I had to finance I am reminded to be grateful for the opportunity I was given. At this point the scars are not terribly bad and I have gotten enough chest hair right at the incision scars.
The changes I had on “T” were somewhat noticeable rather quick. I was on a rather high dosage therefore my voice dropped rapidly and my body hair quickly multiplied. My wife still teases me about how hairy she thinks I am, although I disagree. I did not do a voice recording and now a year later there are moments I wish I had. It took a while before my body shape really changed much. Just in this last 4 or 5 months has that occurred. Granted that was about the time I started medication for ADHD, which is known to suppress one’s appetite and thus lose weight. I think working together helped me because in a matter of 3 months I lost nearly 15 pounds and in doing so pretty much any curves I had. I was blessed in that way in that I have a small frame and not very wide hips. My brother is also much the same way. I still need to work out though and that is something I am making more time for and hope to continue to do better with in the coming weeks.
While there were physical changes there have also been a lot of emotional and psychic changes that have happened. I am much happier in all areas of my life, and in area’s I never even knew about. I am emotionally much more healthy I believe now than I was before as I am learning to let my true self emerge and embracing it rather than suppressing it. I find that while I am still relatively good at expressing emotions that is has gotten a little more difficult and I do not cry nearly as easily. Although anyone who knew me before will know that I really did not cry too much before either. Now though it can almost seem impossible even if I feel like I might want to do so. I have found how I see the world has changed drastically though. My view of different things has really shifted now as well. It has been a very fascinating experience living on this side of the world after spending almost 28 years living on the other side of the world.
Anyway there are plenty of things from this first year that were notable for me, and it went extremely fast. At the same time it was only the first year for me and I am very excited to see what this year holds as now I get to put my energy into really discovering who I am as a person rather than all my energy going into playing a part I never wanted to play but felt forced to play. I think in this coming year I will be blogging more, but that the topics will really be shifting. They will most likely always somehow tie into being transgender or transitioning however the circle is widening as to what that is looking like for me. Stay tuned for another blog that is written and will post tomorrow for more on that.
Finally I will end this post with saying Thank You to all my friends who have read this blog, and friends who have supported me one way or the other this last year. There is no way I could have made it without that support and acceptance.
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